Appreciating ends...The Red Tent Novel.

Tonight i finished The Red Tent. Surprising that i was able to hold off getting to the end for so long. But i managed. I was recommended the book months ago and have saved reading it for long luxurious cleansing baths where i have really been able to retreat into the fictional world created by Anita Diamant. I see coming to the end of books as a positive and a negative and often i read little bits so that i can dwell in the world for as long as possible. This particular book has stirred quite the movement in the world and dramatically in myself. I have talked about a Red Tent or Moonlodge in my posts previous and for me this is where my interest began. Since allowing myself to indulge in the healing and flow of my menstrual times i have become a more connected and rounded woman. I am so grateful to women around me who support this belief and the women in the world who inspire each other to heal and gather through their bleeds.

I have decided i will write a message in the front of this book and give it to another woman in hope it will keep on affecting their relationship with themselves and the world.

This chapter has just ended but another has already begun.

Blessings

Aiyana xxxx

For anyone who is interested you might like to read Anita's blog The Red Tent and more...

A Personal Journey

You might of noticed that i haven't blogged in a while. Let me give you a little post about my wonderful months activities. If you live in Edinburgh it's rare not to have heard about Beltane and Samhuin Fire Festivals. In short they symbolize the change of seasons, the earth cycles and rituals we do to honor them, well that's surely my interpretation anyway. The festivals are made up of a community of eager performers and artists from all walks of life (anyone can join). They form groups who bond over a period of a few months and express a particular part of the narrative. There is performance, there is body paint and there are drums. This Samhuin was my third festival and definitely not my last, i was part of a group called the White Hunt who for me meant strength, spiritual wisdom, respect for the earth and alliance with the winter king. We practiced twice a week, sometimes more, did meditation, Butoh, focus walks, embraced our animal side, made costumes, made dreamcatchers, supported each other, found our inner wisdom, played beneath the full moon, performed ritual and much more. Meaningful performance has become a big part of my life and healing process and i feel lucky to have taken part. Here are some pictures of this years Samhuin Fire Festival...

As you can see a wonderful expressive colourful adventure. I am in the second picture from the top. I always tend to put a lot of my attention into these festivals which makes them so much more intense and difficult to leave behind. Luckily with this community you get companionship and support when your suffering from the withdrawal symptoms post festival.

While preparation for Samhuin blossomed around me most of my other interests were at a stand still. It was difficult not making pregnancy workshops and birth preparation events over the past few months due to clashing times with practices. I think that is why i feel all that more determined to to focus on being a Doula over the next few months. Here are somethings i am going to do to help me on my Doula journey.

First step: find myself a more experienced Doula to be my mentor. This is a little scary...the idea of ringing someone up to ask for support with the possibility of being shot down (mental note: most people feels like this and thats why being a Doula is so beautiful and necessary in this culture) 

Second Step: putting some positive and open energy out to the universe making myself available to women.  I so often don't do this and wonder why i don't see a more clear path. 

Third step: mingle with inspired women. This is not difficult in Edinburgh. This place is blessed with unique and powerful women....i just have to remember to be present enough to make a connection. 

Fourth Step: stimulate my creativity. I have so much creativity around my body and soul that i don't know what to do with it. I need to channel it into making things more often. 

Fifth step: cleanse my lifestyle and sort through my things. My lifestyle as in health and food....i feel i want to more structured eating lifestyle. Buying more in bulk, making bigger portions of soups and curries and stews and eating a wholesome breakfast everyday. I own a lot of things, a lot of beautiful things, but i don't seem to be getting the most out of them.... i have an over packed tea shelf where you can't find anything, a basket full of unused wool, a wardrobe full of clothes that need to be altered and so on.

Sixth Step: women's workshops. I adore bringing women together to empower them and help them heal through exploring parts of themselves. In the close future my agenda is to put on a vulva workshop and help design a red tent portable structure to make it more accessible to women around me.

These are all things i will be blogging about in more detail when they are happening. My heart tells me that doing these things will put me on a positive wave and when i am on a positive wave things really start to shift in my life. Samhuin is, after all, a new year. Its only right to be concentrating on my new journey.

Blessings

Bree

A Natural Birth

Hello beautiful souls. Today i feel inclined to talk about natural ways of doing things. I wasn't always exposed to or even encouraged to live my life naturally. I grew up in your average mainstream culture where consumption was all around me so 'naturally' i joined in. It seemed all i knew but being a woman of this earth deep down i also knew that there was something else out there. Another way to live. Another way to love. Struggling in what i now refer to as my old self i was emotionally imbalanced and often very unhappy. The past year and a half of my life i have experienced more stimulating experiences that i didn't even think was imaginable and it all came from that small part of my old self that knew there was something else. In this past year and a half i have discovered and become a Doula. A Doula is a tuned in sympathetic woman who's role often is to help woman feel empowered in childbirth. I once heard a story that hundreds, even thousands, of years ago a birthing woman was considered a Goddess. Pregnancy and birth was not known to be linked to sex in extremely ancient times so when a woman began to bud in her pregnant form her tribe would think she was blessed and worship her inside the temple. In these times birth was easy and extremely well supported. Obviously not every birth would have been perfect but our ancestors understood the natural balance of things. They would have respected any death deeply and thanked the earth when she made the difficult decision to take a life away.

This is what most of our culture lacks today...support, respect, awe and balance. Our culture rely on a patriarchal system to set out the path and orthodox medicine to fix all our health problems. I do not deny there is a place for both systems however i do believe both system abuse their authority. We no longer work with nature (mother nature and our human nature) and we take take take. We all know from global warming that we have taken more than we should. Not your fault, well yes your half right, a lot of what you believe comes from what you were exposed to in 'your culture' but that does not justify not transforming you ideas now. There is enough educational material just beyond your finger tips for you to reduce your carbon foot print today, begin growing food giving back to the land a proportion of what you take and become a more conscious individual. For me this is vital when bringing new lives into this world. They are the next generation. They will need to be more attuned with the earth and with themselves to fix the problems that we, and the generations before us, have created.

It begins at the beginning. At conception. If anyone is reading this wanting proof well please email me and i will send you a list of books, essays and scientific studies that have been written on the subjects i am about to talk about. When we are conceived our cells form and as they form they collect memory which is influenced by all the chemical reactions going on in mommas body. These chemicals are called hormones. We have many hormones that make us feel a certain way. Now we can't help the way we feel....maybe not but we certainly can control the effects of a situation going on in our life. In other words it might not be easy to predict of avoid a reaction to a life circumstance but it is possible to learn how to control how much we let that particular thing effect us in the long term. This is called conscious pregnancy and is important because mommas state of mind could inevitably effect the baby within her while she is pregnant which could make up some of the baby's sub-conscience building blocks affecting that individual for the rest of their life.

How does this link in with the idea of natural birth vrs hospital births? Well medical births may be the norm and considered safer but do we all actually consider this from all aspects? It's no secret that orthodox medicine is more than prepared to deal with high risk pregnancies but what about normal pregnancies. New research has shown that intervention in hospitals contributes to more problems that ever thought before. A simple way of saying this is that birth happens better if it is natural and when drugs come into the equation they tend to have a negative side effect. So then a momma is given something else to counteract the side effects of the drug before it and the chain goes on. Cesarean rates have zoomed up to an alarming rate which result often in a woman feeling traumatized by her birth experience with a feeling of inadequacy which can effect all aspects of her life. Also a baby who is born drugged up is more likely to be unable to breastfeed, create that initial bond with momma and even have a more addictive personality when they grow up. Keep calm and carry on. Although information like this can be uncomfortable to hear it is also important to note our ability to heal or avoid. With work and dedication trauma can be healed and we can try our best to make birthing scenarios as positive as possible staying sensitive and cool when things do go wrong.

This now brings us to pain. Most women take drugs in birth because of pain. Have these women been exposed to natural pain relief methods? Is her birth room what she wants it to be? Are the people around her supporting and encouraging her? Is she being respected and pampered? Maybe yes and maybe no. What we have to note here is that labor pain exists for many reasons, amongst them;

• birth is a time when a woman is at her most open to the universe and often old memories crop up which have to be acknowledged and let go of. It's sometimes extremely hard and painful to let of old issues that we have clung to for a long time.
• labor can give parents an insight into the tolerance and patience needed for the spontaneous nature of a child.
• we haven't been informed about levels and types of pain. Some assume all pain is the same where others believe some pain is constructive, informative and helps us grow.
• nature knows balance. Where there is lightness there is also darkness. Pain in childbirth can represent our need to take a step back and respect the forces that be. There is a place for pain as there is a place for pleasure.
• western women hold in their tummies. Most of us are surrounded by imagery that makes use feel we need to look slim to be beautiful therefore have held in our bellies for years. When it comes to surrendering to the power of natural birth its extremely difficult for a self conscious women to let it all hang out.
• we aren't encouraged to be loud. Birth is primal whether we want to believe it or not. If we hold back, in any way, the energy that needs to be expressed has nowhere to go and becomes pain.
• we have forgotten how to transform sensations. Pain can become pleasure and pleasure can become pain. Our mind plays such a vital role.
• we don't move enough. A lot of midwives and doctors still encourage a woman to lie on their back when giving birth (which is in fact only really convenient for them). Labor is about flow of energy so moving helps.

This list can go on. It's no ones fault that western culture has forgotten how to take care of our human nature but it's about time women started to get more clued up on what they can actually control. There is masses of opinions about this and masses of research to support it. Most important thing is that you ask yourself what you want and make decisions based on that however don't forget to question why you have that opinion in the first place. Does it come from inner wisdom or were you brought up to believe it.

If this post gets you blood bubbling a bit then its done it's job. I feel it's important to challenge philosophies and know i also learn something valuable when mine is challenged. If this has inspired you then i encourage you to pass on information of this nature. Ignorance is no longer bliss. It's often violating and disempowering. 

'Women of earth take back your birth'

Mother nature loves you x

Red Tents And Bleeding Cycles

 

This month, during my moontime, i lavished in the wonders of my red tent. The night before i was due to menstruate i got an instinctual impulse to create it in my bedroom. Obsessively i grabbed material, candles, plants, books, cushions and sacred things special to me. I arranged them into a den like structure which took up about 1/6 of my room (luckily i have a big room). My reason for making such an effort is that for some time now i have been really interested in making the time of menstruation something significant. There are many reasons why women can benefit from a space like this. Some, myself included, believe that certain parts of the menstrual cycle have certain purposes (not just preparing us for potential pregnancy). 

Now i could talk for ages about what happens to our body, mind and spirit during our cycles but i think i will give a brief description and save the details for a later post. From my study i have learned that the day our menses start (first day of bleeding) is the first day of our cycle. I remember being confused about this for years and thinking the first day came at the end of the bleed. Knowing the bleed is the beginning gives it even more meaning in my opinion. It allows us to connect to the ideas that at the beginning of a journey (when we expect past things to be sorted, finished and behind us) there are still things we need to let go of and work through. The menses allow us the physically and emotionally release that of what we wish to leave behind. I feel that when i have been holding on to something the menses allows me to process it by letting go of my connection to it. I also feel that the feeling of exhaustion we can get around this time is our body doing just that (whether we acknowledge it or not), as our body cleanses we feel our energy concentrate and increase in intensity. Ill say more about what can in the menses in a moment. 

Lets talk about the rest of the month...instantly following the menses is the follicular phase. This phase is when we are most open to acting on ideas and tend to be more sociable. Our attention is on the world and not so much on ourselves, more about making stuff happen. This phase can differ in how long it lasts...in your average 28 day cycle the follicular phase will last for around 14 days. This i a time we have energy and patience with others and have more urges to create or prepare the ground for our most creative phase. Ovulation in biological and spiritual terms is when we are most open to creation. We have a short window of opportunity while we release an egg to become pregnant and we also are usually on such top form to make incredible things happen around this time even if we don't create life. Some woman can tell they are ovulating by observing their vaginal fluid, feeling a dull pain where their ovaries would be or spotting (bleeding a small amount). Moving on from ovulation we enter into the luteal phase or premenstrual phase....I sense you wince. We all know this phase from a negative point of view but do many of us consider the positive of this phase. Probably not but thats understandable as many of you wont have ever been told what good things happen in this phase....let me share a few. As we enter into the luteal phase our attention shifts from the world outside to the world inside ourselves. We become more reflective upon what was created and what new seeds were planted in the follicular phase and we begin to think about the things that are important to us. We become deeply intuitive and in tune with our inner workings wants and desires. That's a crucial part of being and allows us to plan new paths we may need to take or old paths we need to heal. If we push ourselves to ignore this phase (as society often wants us to) it comes back around and bites us in the ass. That's PMS ladies! Clever body. Seriously, your body knows what it needs and will create symptoms in order to get it. It's all for the sake of happiness and fulfillment. My advice...please please please pay attention to what your emotions tell you here. You might cry and moan more but keep record of what comes up. Start with a note pad and write desires, frustrations, thoughts (often). Talk to sypathetic female friends and be GOOD to your body through massage, saunas whatever makes you feel lovely. Bye bye PMS. Lets just note that bad diet and other illnesses can also cause PMS. Isn't is horrible that our society will accept PMS as an illness but NOT give us time, support and space to prevent it. The things that come up in this stage can be acted upon in the follicular.

Anyway now we are back at menstruation. So why a red tent or moon lodge? Well there are so many benefits to honoring a part of ourselves. In ancient times women would gather on their moontimes (new moon) and menstruate together. They would eat lovely food, massage each other, talk and sympathise with each other and most importantly rest and release their blood with ease. As we are exposed to artificial light and artificial hormones now our cycles tend to be out of sync with each other and the moon and we often menstruate alone. That doesn't mean we can't still make our own sacred space. That's what i did. It's comfy safe, red and dark. It allows me to recharge and ground myself. I do art, i read, i listen to good music, play music, meditate, watch inspiring things and do small rituals. I don't intend to sit in it for four days straight every month but i will have to there to retreat to when i need its sanctuary. I live with my partner in a community house so it can be a little tricky getting privacy sometimes but my man is very respectful and is quiet and gentle around my moontime. I find that if i respect myself around this time i get so much more respect from him. There is strength in purpose. Try do something similar.

This post was long overdue so my apologies....i have been in my follicular phase and been a busy bee. Yesterday and today i felt ovulation so i'm feeling pretty good at the moment. Expect more posts in the upcoming weeks as i enter my luteal and feel like sharing more. I hope this helps you lovely women connect and respect your cycles more, beleive me your body will love it and you will see the difference.

Warm sounds and swooshing bleeds

The Wolf Women

La Loba

Good morning lovelies. Today i would like to talk a little about the wolf woman within us. After reading Women Who Run With The Wolves i was hooked on the idea that we all have a wolf woman inside of us purring and waiting in our subconscious ready for us to call upon her. Instead of giving you a detailed description of the book i am going to talk about what the book meant for me as i believe any woman who reads this book will hold a special place for her own individual wolf woman. 

My wolf woman is silent and beautiful, she is half woman half wolf. She has ancient knowledge and wisdom. The only way i can currently access her is if i sit and close my eyes in a meditative state and start to work through my power points. There will be many versions of power energy sources and mine have Taoism influence. There are three sometimes called Tan Tiens. Firstly above/in my head is a tree, which changes in image from blooming and barren. My tree connects me to knowledge, spirituality and the universe. Secondly are my two butterflies, which i can only feel in essence and never seem to be able to imagine what they look like in my minds eye. My butterflies represent my ability to heal myself and others, they hover and play around my heart. In my center (area where my stomach is) is my wolf woman, she is my action zone and she is extremely strong and wise. With great speed and agility. Sometimes my wolf comes out when i don't expect her to. When i'm anxious or fearful she nuzzles me to gently convince me she will keep me safe. When i'm bathing in hot water and my heart is booming out of my chest i seem to be able to feel her lavishing in the steam with me. I believe every women has a wolf woman inside of her whether she calls it a wolf or not. It can be your strength, your knowledge, your confidence, your inner wisdom, your love. Some time soon i would like you to sit with a warm drink and a straight back in a quiet place. Close your eyes and let the identity of your inner wolf come to you. Be aware she could take any form. Hold the images in mind and let them do whatever they like. Follow you own curiosity and imagination. She will guide, you can observe and sip tea. Getting in touch with your wolf woman can help you access a primal part of yourself. This is a great way to help you feel more connected to your strengths and help you see a bigger picture. So often we can get caught up in our daily lives and it can actually be a relief to kick back and absorb into deeper parts of ourselves. Have fun with your wolf woman and please share with me your experiences.  

Have a lovely day.

Moon Note

Artwork by Elizabeth Halfacre

Welcome! Hello beautiful souls. So here I am creating my first blog. Today I would like to dedicate a post to the moon. Those of you who get to know me will soon see that i have a very strong relationship to grandmother moon. While I track her I dwell in her powerful round belly when she is full and surrender to her dark honest guidance when she wanes to dark moon. That's today. Happy new moon! In ancient times tribal women would retire to their red tents to menstruate and release at this time. This was the time of the moon that they could let go of all emotional negative energy they had been holding onto. Nice poetry. Even though, like many others, my moontime (menstruation) does not correspond so precisely to the moon i will use this universal energy to my advantage and let go of something myself. I find the easiest way to do this through ritual and tonight the act of burning seems significant.

Blessings to all.